Memorial Garden

Our dog lived with us from 1994-2009; I'm guessing he was about 16 or 17 years of age when he passed, but I can only guess as we adopted him from a shelter in Brockton, MA, right after we bought our first house and his age was unknown.  Our decision to get a dog went something like this; we had just finished unpacking and were working outside when I said to the better half, "now that we have a house can we go get a dog?".  And I'm sure he (reasonably) replied "why don't we wait until have finished with all the yard work?" (meaning in a month or so). I'm certain, at least this is what I remember, I put my tools away and said, "there, I'm done, how about now?".

When we visited the "Best Friends" shelter there were 12 dogs all waiting for adoption.  Of the 12, only one was not barking when we entered the kennel.  This dog simply wagged his tail and appeared friendly.  My husband said to the attendant, "we'll take that one".  Our dog came without any information as to his previous life; he was found as a stray and brought to the shelter.  They listed him only as a "shepherd mix" although he probably had some retriever in him (loved to go get things and bring them to you) and the vet thought a bit of doberman (he had a long skinny body).  Our dog was as big a part of the family as the kids and it was a sad day when he died.  So I thought I would create a memorial garden in the back yard where he spent a lot of time.

Although it's still an unfinished garden (I've only put a few plants in so far), the memorial garden has seen a lot of activity. Four pet rats have come and gone and are now buried there (I chose to cremate our dog, with his ashes returned to us, as the thought of him being disposed of in any other way made me cringe), plus a deceased field mouse I found in our driveway one morning on my way to work, and a dead bird that I found on our deck (may have flown into one of the windows).  I know that most people would probably throw an animal away with their trash but somehow it seems disrespectful.  My only concern, however, is that the next home owner will go digging out back in the memorial garden, find all the tiny bones and think that we harbored some type of wildlife serial killer!  (I guess I should also confess now that my daughter buried a dead hummingbird in the front yard, and there are two additional field mice I found on the school playground buried in the side yard.  Oh, and a squirrel that was hit by a car and left in the street is somewhere by the back garden.  That one I wish I remembered where my husband put as it's been in the yard the longest and chances are I'll find it first if I keep gardening.)

Our dog's ashes are supposed to take their place in the memorial garden.  In my mind I had a dedication ceremony half planned ending with a sentimental spreading of the ashes.  But I am still not ready to part with him (well, what's left of him).  I keep thinking if we move we'll want to take him with us.  I am also holding onto our cat's ashes from last year.  We've had two other cats who have passed in the time that we've been married, I placed one's ashes at the base of a lovely linden tree I planted in the front yard and the other's ashes my daughter planted with a tree she picked out, a little white coast cedar that still hasn't "taken off" but cannot be replaced due to the sentimental aspect of the tree.  I somewhat regret burying the ashes that we have as it feels like the final goodbye, but it's part of the grieving process.

I may have gone off topic here (after all, this is a gardening blog) but I think creating sentiment in your yard helps you connect to it.  I also, though, think that you shouldn't go too far with that sentiment.  How far is too far?  Well, a couple of years ago John Grogan (author of the book Marley and Me: Love and Life with the World's Worst Dog) wrote an article that appeared in the Parade magazine describing how he and his wife decided to move but couldn't bear the thought of leaving Marley behind, so they dug up his corpse and brought him "home" with them.  Yuck.  That article positively haunts me.  It was all filled with sappy sentiment, and sure the author has made a tidy career from this one dog, but if he thinks that every time he moves he needs to dig up his dog's body, then perhaps he's not the animal lover he proposes to be.  Let the poor animal rest in peace.  My advice, if you cannot part with the remains of your pet, please cremate and place the ashes in a pretty container to bring with you.  If you prefer a burial in your yard, dig deep, mark it well, and for the love of St. Francis, leave them alone.